J.J.,

Even though we don’t see each other enough, I want you to know that I have kept up with you through your Mother. We talk often and she updates me on your progress, your struggles, your hopes and dreams, and her pride in your growth. I am so pleased and proud of you and your accomplishments. I know that you are a person that is going to make a positive difference in this world —— I don’t know how, I don’t know when, I don’t know what it will look like, but I just know. If you trust in yourself, and have certainty in your purpose, it will happen.

You and I are at opposite ends of life, and the only advantage I still have over you is having experienced everything from your age to mine. As I frequently tell my son Jimmy, there isn’t a thought that you have had, a deed you have done, a feeling that you have experienced that I have not had during my lifetime. This is the great truth about being human, we are all much more alike than different, and this can be our greatest strength and sometimes a source of tremendous conflict. The strange truth of it is that both strength and difficulties are equally important for your growth.

Please indulge me the privilege of passing you a little bit of advice, learned the hard way.

Find yourself first, that is the single most important job in life. Make a habit of listening to your thoughts, they will truthfully tell you who you are, what makes you happy, what brings you joy, and what stirs your curiosity and passion. Above all, do not become sidetracked by dreams others may have for you (other than for you to be fulfilled and happy), money, status, title, power or the like. Trust your muse, and pay close attention to the contentment and happiness you feel, or not, before, during, or after doing things.

Secondly, be kind to yourself. The first person in your life is you, and you need to treat yourself with great kindness and forgiveness. Start by changing your attitudes regarding failure. If you view failure as a negative you will never grow. You must start embracing failure as a friend, just as important, if not more, than success. If you are are successful welcoming failure you will be much more inclined to accelerate growth in all areas through trial/error. Most of the time, for most people, trial and error is the single most important way to learn. Incidentally, if you are successful with this piece of advice, you will find yourself much more forgiving and understanding of others, and your relationships will grow and flourish.

Third, embrace the 80/20 rule in everything you do, but mostly with talking/listening. Run some experiments with your Mom and Dad, friends, relatives, and coaches —-anybody! When engaged in conversation or activity with them, let them do 80% of the talking, and try to use your 20% mostly for asking questions. Become an “active” listener. Try to listen carefully to everybody that speaks to you and you cannot imagine how much you will learn about them, and how much you will learn about yourself. You will be amazed at how quickly you will earn trust, affection, and become a respected leader ——and it’s all really easy!

Lastly, I am giving you permission to not like everybody. It is something I struggled with, and wasted time on, for far too long! I think I was taught as a child that I needed to like everybody, to get along with everybody, to please everybody, or even do do things that I did not want to do, not in my best interest, just to make somebody else happy. Well—-here is the simple truth. You are not going to like everybody and everybody is not going to like you, and it really doesn’t matter why. The important thing is what you do with this knowledge. Walk away from people as soon as you realize that they do not have your best interest in mind, or they do not like you, and/or you cannot trust them. Do not indulge them with your attention. It’s counter-productive for you to bad mouth them, demean or humiliate them, or gossip about them —-just walk away! Find people who fulfill you, encourage you, and who make you feel happy.

I am so proud with your progress into adulthood and pleased to hear about your upcoming graduation, and future plans. I think your future is very bright! Congratulations!

With Love, Uncle Jim