There have been more than a few times over the last several years that we have had discussions about mental and physical health. I am writing you this letter because this is a topic I have been very interested in for most of my life. I have had my struggles over the years, and I hope you can benefit from hearing about these struggles and put into practice some of the techniques I have used, thus avoiding the many years of trial and error it took for me to find contentment and lasting freedom from anxieties, compulsions, fears, over eating, drug and alcohol usage, depression, mood swings and the like.

Regardless of any life problem you have or may be experiencing now, there is good news, because there is great hope for improvement and in some cases eradication of the normal mental and physical problems caused by just plain living. Life has a way of pressing down on us, creating stress, and conflicts which can cause bad reactions, made worse by our worry and rumination. It may be of some comfort to you knowing that you are not alone, your parents, friends and relatives and indeed most of the human race has suffered or is suffering from all the maladies listed above.

Now I am not saying that you will not go through life without worry, totally free from anxiety, fears, doubt, depression etc. That is just part of being a human being and living. As you grow older you will learn how to deal with these issues, and embrace them as normal. But, there are ways to ameliorate the most deleterious effects. I have compiled below a list of those things that I have used over the years to great benefit. They are tried and true, tested by trial and error and science, and guaranteed to work. They must be practiced daily, the effectiveness of any of these strategies goes way down if only used as “foxhole religion” during a crisis. Think of them has preventative, and like a muscle that grows stronger with each use. They are not ranked by importance, each is vital, and grow in strength in relation to each other.

MEDITATION – Is a practice that gradually leads to more self awareness, calmness, and the development of several essential skills like:
a. Learning how to control your breathing. Breathing in through your nostrils 1-2-3-4-5 and then out through your mouth 1-2-3-4-5 slowly. A day will arrive when you are having severe anxiety and/or a panic attack and you will try this technique. It will be very difficult with a racing heart and sweaty palms but if you can sit and focus on your breathing during an episode you can achieve control and calmness. It will be a wonderful day when this works, your confidence will soar.
b. Letting go of thoughts. You will notice when first starting this practice that you will have a desire to control your thoughts, the speed of your thoughts, the types of thoughts, and other meanderings of the mind. The trick, after practice, is to allow thoughts to occur naturally and for you to become a passive sideline observer of the thoughts, not controlling or judging just watching as they flow. This skill will develop the more that you practice.
c. The benefits of this practice may be achieved in as a little as 10-20 minutes per/day. It is best to pick a time that you will meditate each day and stick with it.
d. This practice goes by many different names: mindfulness, TM- transcendental meditation, it is part of some Eastern Hindu and Buddhism religious practices, and also goes by the name biofeedback training in Western medicine. It doesn’t really matter what it is called as long as the tradition includes training in breathing and thoughts as described above. Whatever works for you!

ACTION – A real strong trigger for my ruminative thoughts has always been related to boredom. Wow, boredom and inaction can really lead me down the rabbit hole quickly, it freezes motivation and extinguishes my curiosity and effort. Stay away at all costs! The following practices can help you eliminate boredom:
A simple written daily schedule. It’s important that the list takes no more than 5 minutes to write down. It should all fit on a little 3X3 post it note.
Always start your day with the most difficult cognitive items. Thinking involves a lot of effort, it burns glucose at a rapid rate, and there is a finite amount of cognitive effort you can expend before needing rest. Items like exercise, shopping, cleaning, errands, bills etc. should be scheduled for later in the day.
Simple rule of life-If you are not moving forward, you are going backwards. Your mind already knows this maxim! I believe that’s why we sometimes struggle with boredom and have anxiety, our prefrontal cortex is giving us jolts of anxiety saying to us “ use me , use me now or lose me”.
Have an orientation to action. If you have a little break and getting bored have some rules around TV, surfing on the phone or computer, and listening to music – like ok – I can listen to 2 tunes if I …….. Have a trigger that cues certain behaviors like ….a note on the refrigerator that says I can’t open this until I do 10 pushups OR noticing you are bored don’t allow any reward before going outside and walking around the block. Behavioral modification and habit formation are huge topics – these ideas are just a little primer.
Action = moving, thinking, interacting, Inaction= not moving, a passive receptacle for information, little or no interaction. Always have an action orientation!

EATING/SLEEPING – I did not realize how much eating affected my moods and the importance of good sleeping until much later in life. When I started changing my eating habits, and lost weight I noticed a marked reduction in bad feelings, more self confidence and pride in the way that I looked, more energy, and more restful sleep.
Just eat less! It’s a very simple idea, but hard to do. Here are a few hints: Use smaller plates, make less to eat, split meals with friends when going out, don’t buy the junk processed or sugar laden foods when going to the grocery store. If you must have these items make yourself get up and make an extra trip to the fast food place or the ice cream shop – don’t have it in the refrigerator and no using Uber Eats! You gotta get up and go out to get it !
Caffeine – A killer! Especially the older you get. Try and avoid any caffeine products after 5pm-6pm at night – it will affect your sleep. Use moderation with caffeine 1-2 cups is more than enough – it’s highly addictive and going up or down on caffeine can cause anxiety!
Sugar- It’s the ultimate mood up-down food. I find for me and my metabolism that sugar really affects moods, especially on the way down! If I eat really sugary foods at night I usually have fitful sleep, wakeup with a headache, and don’t have my usual energy the next morning. Unfortunately sugar is in just about everything we eat and I am a sweet tooth. I satisfy my sugar urge by finding no sugar added ice cream, sugar free chocolate syrup, and fat/sugar free whipping cream. Alcohol also breaks down into sugar. Once you become aware of sugar and start reading labels, wow, it’s everywhere. Exercise caution, it pays off!
Basic eating patterns- I don’t think it is difficult to eat well. In general avoid a lot of sweet things, reduce the amount of bread you eat, reduce pasta and sauces, try and stay away from heavily processed foods- but it’s good to eat eggs, lean meat, any vegetable, fruit in pretty much any quantity and trust me – you will feel better and look better!
Turn off the TV when trying to go to sleep.
Keep the bedroom cool at night.
Try and keep the room dark and quiet as possible.
If you need a sleep “trigger” try and listen to a book or podcast on your phone
At your age 8 hours of sleep is good – try getting bed by 10pm – asleep by 11pm and get up at 7am.

EXERCISE – Like a gym teacher told me at my last school “just move”. The bottom line with exercise is moving, as much as possible. Walking, running, biking, swimming, weights, cardio, strength, swinging, golf, tennis…..anything! Move! Move between tasks, during tasks (isometrics), and get up when you are bored and move!
Sitting or lying down are killers! Sitting is the new smoking! Human beings are physiologically designed to be up and moving.
Research shows that any exercise has benefits for physical and mental health. You don’t have to be a marathon runner or Olympic swimmer, you just have to do it. Trouble sleeping ? Take a long walk before bed. Trouble figuring out an academic problem or need a break? Leave your desk and go outside and do some stretches and a jog or walk.
When you combine eating right with exercise it becomes a 1-2 punch! Remember though that adjusting eating is about 80% of weight gain/loss and exercise will help both mentally and physically with the other 20%. I prefer a lean muscle, skinny body type – just because I feel better- and I think human beings in general were more evolutionary adaptable being lean. Opinions vary!

PASSION/WORKING – Do you have a hobby, a job, an interest, a lifelong dream ? A real passion for something positive that engages your mind and spirit is the thing that gives your life meaning and purpose – and importantly is another hedge against bad feelings! A passion creates resilience when the tough times come, and they will come! Find something you truly love and pursue it, not with an expectation for financial gain, competitive advantage, celebrity or fame – just do it because you love to do it. All the rest of the other stuff will take care of itself! I have met and know violin luthiers making little money but are extremely happy, and I have also met very wealthy people who are very unhappy. Find your passion! Working at a job is also very important. There is nothing like the feeling of autonomy when you start paying for your rent, bills, car, owning a home etc. Working reinforces self esteem and confidence. It’s also a great way to meet new people and gain new skills. Sometimes your passion will perfectly mesh with your job – lucky you! Sometimes there will be a partial match between your job and your passion and for many no match at all. Many people pursue passions outside of work and it is still possible to be a productive worker even if you have little passion for the job. It’s not ideal, but a reality that you may face for a part or all of your work career. You will need to make the decisions about which way to proceed with your career.

EXPAND YOUR HORIZONS – These new habits you are acquiring can get you into a daily routine that will vastly increase your knowledge and skills and vastly reduce bad feelings. However, life is not just about working your routines 24/7. Take time out a few times a week to explore and experience new things. I don’t mean a new podcast, TV show, movie, or bar. I mean something that is really new, exciting, unexpected, challenging, tickles the mind, makes you think or laugh, something you rarely do. A few suggestions: any museum, any zoo, any arboretum, any site seeing, a cooking class, any new place near or far- something your eyes have never seen before, a trip, a vacation, meeting new people, a concert, a show, a lecture, a sporting spectator event. Plan ahead, get organized and call friend(s) to go and if you can’t find anybody, go by yourself! I absolutely guarantee that after you come home and for the next several days you will say to yourself “Geez, I am really happy I did that” and have fond memories forever after.

FRIENDS – Friends are vital! For me, a friend is somebody that you can share vulnerabilities with. My best friends usually share with me a common career and interests, have similar socioeconomic and educational backgrounds, share similar political and world views, and are about the same age as me. Doesn’t mean that you cannot be friends with somebody who doesn’t share these characteristics, I just think it’s easier. Finding and keeping a few close friends and having a wider circle of acquaintances is really important. It may be more important, however, to know when to leave friendships.

I think this was best summarized by the actor Anthony Hopkins:
“Let go of people who aren’t ready to love you yet! This is the hardest thing you’ll have to do in your life and it will also be the most important thing: stop giving your love to those who aren’t ready to love you yet.
Stop hard conversations with people who don’t want to change.
Stop showing up for people who are indifferent to your presence.
Stop loving people who aren’t ready to love you.
I know your instincts do everything to win the good mercy of everyone around you, but it’s also the impulse that will steal your time, energy and mental, physical and spiritual health.
When you start manifesting yourself in your life, completely, with joy, interest and commitment, not everyone will be ready to find you in this place of pure sincerity.
That doesn’t mean that you have to change who you are. That means you have to stop loving people who don’t want to love you yet.
When you are excluded, subtly offended, forgotten or easily ignored by people you give time to, you don’t do yourself any favour by allowing them your energy and your life.
The truth is that you’re not for everyone…
And that not everyone is for you…”

TALK THERAPY AND MEDICATION – Occasionally there are times during life, for a whole variety of reasons and circumstances that we may become overwhelmed by our bad feelings. It can happen to you, your friends, your parents, your relatives, and millions of people. It’s just another part of life. Take advantage of these times – they are opportunities for growth. There is no shame in seeking out a professional to speak with on a regular basis. It’s great having somebody you can trust, is confidential, and well trained and experienced, therapists can be a great help! In talking through issues with a therapist you may discuss the possibility of medications, ask a lot of questions, do some research on your own, but be open to it! Talk therapy and/or medications can last for months or years, regardless, it is time and money well spent to ensure that you can live a fulfilling life. Don’t underestimate the power of talk therapy or medications, they can be a wonderful bridge to feeling better. I have a preference for Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) but do your research because there are many different schools of thought regarding therapeutic practice.

WHAT DOESN’T WORK
This could be a very long list, but I will stick to the highlights.
Drugs and alcohol. These are very short term solutions, that can have very dangerous consequences. Street drugs don’t have quality control and the types of drugs available now can be extremely dangerous, sometimes life threatening (think Prince). It doesn’t matter if the dealer is a friend or a smiling face acquaintance, don’t trust them – because they don’t know. Alcohol in moderation and on occasion is ok, but can easily become a longer term crutch or addiction. Best bet with alcohol – have 1-2 with friends on a weekend, but no more.
Supplements, Cures, Exotics. Boy they are tempting! Promises made by an internet ad, testimonials from somebody you may recognize, or the guy down at the local supplement store or head shop. The truth is 99% of the claims made in ads for supplements, testimonials, or what the “guy” behind the counter at the supplement store or head shop tell you are just plain BS. There is NO scientific evidence to backup these claims and furthermore, there are dangerous physical and mental side effects that could occur with use of these products! Stay away! There is no magic potion that will cure the ills of your world!
Religious and Spiritual Fruitcakes and Cults- Run away as fast as you can from anybody selling you blessed water, or the answer for everything is right here in this book, or any person who talks a lot, is loud, aggressive, and makes a lot of promises. These people are selling themselves as a product, they don’t know you ! And they certainly don’t speak for God or for another deity. These are all false prophets, con men, grifters, and liars (think Donald Trump). Sprint away from anybody who says he speaks with God and God speaks back, or only he can interpret writings or scripture. It’s bullshit!